The World Through Her Eyes

I know Grace is smart. She's constantly picking up on things and adding new material to her ever growing bag of tricks and yet I had somehow allowed myself to believe she would only pick up the good. Now I'm not so naive to think that her yelling at driver's in traffic is not directly related to my own behavior nor can I blame anyone but myself for her yelling fucking idiot (that was the last time either of us said it) but I did think that she was only repeating these things and that the real internalization of stuff was still on the road ahead...how wrong I was...

The first glint of this was the other night while I was on the phone with Dallan. His company tends to delay the basics of truck maintenance and as a result we are separated for much longer than even we've become accustomed to. I was frustrated (it's been over two weeks since we've last seen him) and I was getting louder, not at him but the situation. Grace started to immediately say I'm sorry mommy, I'm sorry. For what I asked. Because you yelled at daddy... How can I explain to this precious little thing that just because I'm yelling at daddy I'm not yelling at daddy. She never sees us fight (probably because she never really sees us together) and this is really rocking her world, any heightened tone leads her to apologize quickly and it breaks my heart.

Then today Grace caught me crying when she woke up from nap. I wiped the tears quickly away and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. From Grace's mouth: "I need to cry too 'cause you can't alone."

How wonderfully in tune she is and yet I had wished she wouldn't know heartache or sadness. Unfortunately, this too seems to have come to Grace sooner than it normally does and I know it is only the beginning in this category, but how thankful I am that she says what's she's thinking. Hopefully as time goes on this too will continue and this beautiful gift will continue to embody the name she carries.